To love is to live
by Writing is Necessary
Summary: What it is like to see your love being eaten by a Hollow? HisagixKira - yaoi


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach or any Bleach character.

**Warnings: **Not many warnings this time, except my failed attempt of making a sad story. Still, blood and a little bit of violence included.

**Author's Note: **I was inspired by Shingeki no Kyojin, and I think that manga combines with Bleach very well. I have no idea why I wrote this, but I wanted to make a fighting-type scene. Anyway, I apologize if it's not that good. I'm not very confident, but at least the fic is out of my chest now.^^'

I hope you enjoy.

This was not beta-ed, I apologize for any mistakes.

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**To love is to live**

This world was rotten, so deeply to the core. Little was left that could make things worth. Simple things like eating good food or drinking good saké were the only luxury Shinigami had. Maybe some pretended to enjoy fighting to the point of almost being killed, but that was simply an escape to the reality: this world - Soul Society – was jaded and decayed. There was nothing here besides waiting to re-born on Earth, and for those more unfortunate – to wait for the next Hollow to appear.

It was somewhat entertaining when Hollows appeared. The whole Seireitei would know about it, and most Shinigami's face would light up, because their purpose was finally shown. When battling a Hollow the world wasn't rotten, it was thrilling! And when the Hollow was sliced and started disappearing into tiny little bits of reishi, those very few seconds after they died, the world was magnificent.

But after those very few seconds, the dreadful empty feeling would come back again, and those poor unfortunate souls would return to their duty and wait for some other monster to come and guard Seireitei for a god they didn't believe in.

Except for Izuru.

He didn't find the world rotten, he didn't see the black clouds or curse when it started to rain. He would find it actually beautiful. The little drops hitting the plants, making them glowing, and the smell of rain, he liked it.

It was funny that the person who looked the most miserable was in fact the one who could appreciate more besides eating, drinking or fighting. Izuru could see beauty where there was none, and maybe that was his sensitive poetic side, however he knew he was like this for a reason.

He was in love.

And was loved back, every night in his bed. And the more he was loved, the more he loved. It was addictive beyond words, beyond reasoning. This was his reason to live, to make him enjoy living.

The endless kissing, the manly voice calling his name, the 'I love you's, the hands wandering his body like it was their first time... _This_ man was his purpose to live and he would do anything to protect him.

The alarm sounded urgently. Shinigami ran everywhere preparing themselves for the enemy. Squads positioning themselves at key points, 11th Division scattering to find the enemy first, and the 4th in stand-by.

Madarame and Ayasegawa passed by Izuru running to the western gate where the Third Division was guarding the area.

"Wait! What are you doing here? This is our-" Izuru stopped talking when he noticed the other two stopped and were watching the gate shocked. He looked too, and his blue eyes rounded.

The unthinkable happened. A Menos Grande was watching them, only the tall gate separating them. The masked monster opened his mouth and a bloody red Cero formed.

"Run!" Madarame yelled, just before the malicious attack hit the entire area they were in.

Like the others, Izuru used his shunpo in time landing afterwords in a pile of destructed buildings. When he looked back at the gate, the sight was too horrific. The gatekeeper Ikkanzaka Jidanbou was unconscious on the floor heavily wounded; they were not wounds made by the Cero though. They were different, more deep, more savage.

Jidanbou was a big man, but next to the Menos Grande he looked so small. Said monster walked further and with his white hands started to pound the gate.

"He can't enter, right?" Ayasegawa asked appearing next to Izuru.

"No, he shouldn't be able to. And even if he does, he will turn into dust the moments he passes the gate."

The pounding stopped, the moment the white hand made a hole through the gate.

"We should do something," Ayasegawa said as a figure jumped at cut the Menos Grande mask. "Nevermind."

Madarame landed on top of the gate not giving a second look to the falling monster. He stood there gawking the area outside.

"Fuck..."

Both Izuru and Ayasegawa joined him, and... hundreds of Hollows were coming, every shape and size. Including many others Menos Grandes.

"Why are they attacking us?" Izuru asked.

"Who cares why?" Madarame replied smirking, his shock completely gone. "We finally have something useful to do."

And Izuru watched the two 11th Division members fighting the Hollows as they came through the hole in the gate. But this was worring, how could the Hollows be able to pass the Sekkiseki shield and not disappear? Did they knew how to nullify it like the Ryoka did in the past?

No, it was impossible. Hollows weren't smart to do such a thing.

The more they killed Hollows, the more appeared, and soon the walls of Seireitei were covered with the big Menos Grandes who stopped moving forward once they reached them.

"What's going on Kira-Fukutaichou?" Third-seat Togakushi spoke.

"It's probably the Sekkiseki blocking them from coming."

It wasn't. They were waiting for something. This attack was deliberate, it had a reason.

"Be on your guard, they must be up to something," Izuru said. Not longer after the Menos Grandes started gathering at the same place, and surprisingly started to fuse with each other. And the more they fused, the bigger they became.

The stench was horrible, the same as decomposed bodies. It was disgusting. Izuru could hear some of his Division members throwing up behind him.

The sight wasn't much better either. Limbs and Hollow masks everywhere fusing and becoming a mix of flesh... Who would have thought Menos Grandes body could be so like ours?

And the outcome became the tallest Hollow Izuru ever saw. He gulped, and even the gutsy Madarame seemed somewhat overwhelmed by its size.

"I didn't want to do this here, but I guess I have no choice," the bald man spoke.

"Ikkaku, don't be reckless," Ayasegawa said.

"I'm not. I just fight fair and square, never reckless."

"I know, but this time be more careful."

"Don't be such a pussy, Yumichika. Do I look like I have nothing to lose?" they both shared a look that made Izuru feel bad. He wished his lover was here next to him too.

"Attack him only if you have an opportunity. Try not get in my way, blondy," Madarame said. Izuru tried to not get offended by those words. It was just the typical 11th Division member, Izuru was a higher-ranked officer there was nothing to be offended with, he would probably...

"Bankai!" Izuru's eyes opened really wide. "Ryuumon Hozukimaru!"

He really had nothing to be offended with, because he was nothing compared to Madarame. Cold fact.

He saw the bald man fighting, but he barely inflicted any damage to the big Hollow. The others were fighting the smaller Hollows that kept appearing.

Why was everyone fighting for? Was Madarame fighting because he wanted to protect his friends or because he liked fighting? Were his Squad members fighting for a real reason or just because it was their duty? Why was Izuru fighting for?

And the answer came in the moment someone gave disturbing news through Tenteikura.

"_Attention to all Divisions, the southern gate has been destroyed. A gigantic Menos Grande has entered Seireitei. To all Squad members not located at the other gates is required your help. We lost contact with high-ranked officers from 7th and 9th Division. Repeat..."_

Izuru's heart stopped for a moment.

"_... lost contact with high-ranked officers from... 9th Division."_

"Go!" Ayasegawa told him. "We can handle this, go save Hisagi."

Izuru didn't think twice and ran as fast as he could. He may be acting against orders, selfishly living his Division members behind, but his reason for fighting... his reason to live...

He used his shunpo to a level he was never able before; and as soon as he saw the same type of gigantic Menos Grande Madarame was facing, he went even faster.

Everything was destroyed.

And everyone was dead.

Limbs, torsos, heads were scattered through the destroyed buildings on the ground. The Hollow himself picked the dead bodies and put them in its mouth.

Izuru panicked, he couldn't sense Hisagi's reiatsu.

"Hisag..." he called in a murmur.

His attention went back to the Menos Grande once he heard the sound of metal scratching the floor. The Hollow grabbed a figure by the leg, and the figure held in his hand a scythe with a chain hanging and the other scythe was the cause of the noise on the floor.

"Hisagi-san!" Izuru yelled. Kazeshini was still in his shikai form, which meant Hisagi was still conscious.

"Wait, Kira!" the blond looked to where the voice came. It was Iba Tetsuzaemon who was on the floor bleeding.

"K-Komamura-Taichou is coming, wait for him, you don't stand a chance alone."

The Menos Grande opened his mouth and its hand with Hisagi went to the direction of its mouth.

"I can't wait," he said running as fast as he could.

He knew he didn't stand a chance against that Menos Grande. He wasn't strong like Madarame, or courageous like Ayasegawa, and he wasn't co-dependent like Iba and his Taichou, but he was a lover, and as a lover, even if it was for his own selfish heart, he needed to save Hisagi, because Hisagi would do the same for him.

He jumped stretching his hand up.

"Hisagi!" he yelled, and his lover looked back down at him. His free arm was broken and so both his legs, probably much more was broken, but he also reached his hand with his scythe to Kira. So close, yet so far. Hisagi's expression was of fear, and Izuru was sure his was looking the same.

Izuru was so close he grabbed the free scythe, and grabbed the chain as much as he could until he almost touched Hisagi's hand, however in that very moment, the Menos Grande yanked Hisagi from Izuru's reach and the blond watched shocked as the Menos Grande put Hisagi on his mouth and closed it right away.

"NO!" Izuru yelled and held into the chain of Kazeshini that was balancing outside the monster's mouth. The Menos Grande started chewing, and the more he chew the more the chain diminished. Izuru, losing his grip and losing the chain to hold on to, grabbed the handle of Kazeshini, but soon that part was also disappearing in the gigantic mouth, so he grabbed the blades of the scythe with his bare hands. He didn't care if he cut his hands, he didn't care if he lose them, he just needed to get Hisagi back. Kazeshini was still in his shikai form. And Hisagi knew he was going to save him, because Hisagi knew he loved him, and knew he was his reason to live...

Izuru tried to concentrate in what he was doing, and putting all his strength in one hand he extended the other releasing a Shakkahou strong enough to break the Hollow's teeth. In pain the Menos Grande opened his mouth and Izuru got in and pulled the chain of Kazeshini up. It was heavy, so Hisagi was still holding back, he hoped.

He was. Hisagi stuck himself on the Hollows throat waiting for Izuru while the blond struggled with the chain. Soon, Izuru was able to grab Hisagi with his bare bloody hands.

And that feeling that usually came after killing a Hollow, that feeling of completion, came. He had Hisagi on his arms, Hisagi was alive... he made it.

He only needed to get out. Grabbing Hisagi's body who was bigger than him was difficult, but he was going to do this. He reached the toothless part of mouth and he could see the outside.

"Bakudou 37, Tsuriboshi," he released the spell outside. Now he only needed to jump with Hisagi. But something prevented him from moving on, he looked back and saw that one of the scythes from Kazeshini, the one he was holding earlier, was stuck in the Hollow's tongue. He let go of Hisagi- who could only sit on the edge of the mouth,- and went to unstuck the blade. As he did, he saw a red light starting to form in the back of the Menos Grande throat.

Alarmed, Izuru got up holding the scythe and ran towards Hisagi. The glowing red became significantly larger and he sped up seeing Hisagi's back.

"Jump!" but Hisagi couldn't jump, he only had one arm good, he couldn't move.

They weren't going to make it, and they were going to die. What kind of purpose his life had, if he couldn't even save the one he loved, his reason to live?

And Izuru's heart suddenly calmed down. Everything became slow, so slow he could see every little thing happening. Hisagi's short hair slowly waving, the grey eyes slowly panicking as they saw Izuru, the rays of red Cero appearing in his peripheral vision. He became very calm as he realized he could do this as he saw his hands pushing Hisagi over the edge, and the slow pace became even slower as Hisagi's eyes met his, and Izuru could only smile.

'I'm sorry'

'I'm glad I could save you'

'Don't worry'

'It's okay'

He didn't say any of that, but he hoped Hisagi knew.

"Izu-" and the voice faded away as Hisagi left his vision, and everything went back to a normal pace when he felt his body being pulled by the scythe he was still holding into. But it was late... He could already feel the heat of the Cero burning his back, and as he was pulled out of the mouth by Kazeshini and saw Hisagi once again, he smiled. Maybe it wasn't lat-

Red involved him and he stopped feeling everything. The scythe fell from his hands, and the air smelled bad again.

Everything turned black.

**0000000000**

Izuru woke up feeling strange. Strange because he couldn't feel anything at all. His eyes opened but they didn't open completely. He was sleepy, and so were his eyes. He looked up and saw glass next to him, around him, like a box. The outside room was white and blue-ish.

_He knew this place._

Next to him, outside the glass was Hisagi looking at him. His eyes were red, he had cried.

_He knew why he was crying._

But Izuru was happy Hisagi was alright. He wanted to talk but noticed he couldn't. Something was on his neck.

"Hey," Hisagi said noticing that he was awake. "Don't talk, you have a tube on your throat to help you breathe."

He needed help to breathe... He saw Hisagi's eyes tear. Why was he crying so much?

_He knew why he was crying._

Was it that bad?

_It was._

Was Hisagi really that sad?

He was, because it was bad, and Izuru was in the burnt unit on the Forth Division. And this room, the blue-ish room meant it was a severe case, and the glass box... it meant he was dying.

The box was meant to make him feel as comfortable as possible. He couldn't feel anything, but he knew his whole body was covered in bandages, he probably didn't even look like a person anymore... He closed his eyes... at least he still had eyelids.

"Izuru, don't sleep. You have to stay awake," Hisagi said trembling, his hand touching the glass. "Do that for me, okay? Stay awake for a bit longer."

He opened his eyes and looked at his lover.

"Trust me," that handsome man said. "You save me, I save you," he smiled. "You won't die. You're my life and I won't let you die."

Izuru felt like crying, why was Hisagi doing this? Izuru didn't mind dying, why was he making him not wanting to die when he knew it was impossible to survive his condition? Izuru knew what this room meant, and knew everything Hisagi thought he could kept from him. He knew the Forth division inside and out and knew Hisagi inside and out.

He could hear the beeping sounds from the machine attached to him growing louder.

_'Trust me'_

And Izuru calmed down once again. That completion feeling coming over again, because he _did_ know Hisagi inside-out and knew that he wasn't lying when he said he wasn't going to die. Because Hisagi made the world magnificent, beautiful and meaningful.

And never lied.

That's why when the Ryoka girl entered the room he wasn't surprised. When she entered the glass box and summoned her healing power he didn't flinch or stopped watching Hisagi.

This world was complex. There were bad times, yes, and it was hard to recover from Hollows seeking to free their Master from the high security prison on the First Division,- though they did not expect an old man holding the most powerful fire zanpakutou on Soul Society to be in a very bad mood,- but the idea of rebuilding was a wave of fresh air. It brought purpose to those who lived an empty life.

Battling may make some feel good, but winning it and live the victory, felt much better. And so would the food and saké. The little things mattered a lot, maybe even more than the big things, like the way Hisagi gently unwrapped the bandages from Izuru's body after he was healed by Inoue Orihime and unattached from the machines. Hisagi knew he was alright, but he still made sure passing his hand on the light skin after taking every piece of bandage. This little gesture was the reason why Izuru would give his life for Hisagi in a heartbeat without regretting.

Because the little things mattered and that was what life was about.

Love and trust.

**The end.**

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**Reviews are welcomed =)**


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